Mame

Strahovi – Fears

Kao što sam već pisala, niko nije savršen pa ni ja ali sam uvek verovala u sebe i svoje odluke, iako nisu uvek bile najbolje. Uvek sam stajala iza svojih reči iako nisam uvek bila u pravu.

A onda se rodio on i ja sam postala totalno nesigurna…

Kao prvo, dosta sam kilograma dobila u toj trudnoći a na porođaju sam samo 10kg izgubila. Niko me nije pripremio na to…. Postala sam jako nesigurna u sebe i nisam mogla samu sebe da gledam. Bila sam besna što mi se to dešava. Užasno sam izgledala sebi… Svi su me ubeđivali da ću vremenom skinuti višak ali to kao da nije dopiralo do moje glave i do mog mozga. Bila sam ubeđena da čim se porodiš nekim čudom odmah budeš kao pre.

Vremenom su kilogrami počeli da se gube, i mada nisam verovala da je to moguće, posle 9 meseci imala sam kilažu kao pre trudnoće… Samopouzdanje je počelo da se vraća. Bila sam sve sigurnija u sebe i sve srećnija a samim tim i moje dete je bilo srećno i zadovoljno… Delovalo je kao da će sada sve biti kako treba.

Ali… pojavili su se strahovi…

Da li sam spremna na ovo?… Da li cu uspeti da napravim čoveka od mog sina? … Da li ću uspeti da mu obezbedim bezbedno detinjstvo? … Da li ću ga voleti dovoljno? …



As I wrote before, no one is perfect, neither am I, but I always believed in myself and my decisions, though they were not always the best.  I always stood behind my words even though I was not always right.

And then he was born and I became totally insecure …

First of all, I gained a lot of weight during that pregnancy and lost only 10kg at birth.  No one prepared me for it …. I became very insecure about myself and couldn’t look at myself.  I was angry that this was happening to me.  I looked awful to myself … Everyone convinced me that I would take off the excess over time, but it didn’t seem to reach my head or my brain.  I was convinced that as soon as you were born with a miracle, you were immediately as before.

Over time, the pounds began to lose weight, and although I did not believe it was possible, after 9 months I had the weight as before pregnancy … Self-confidence began to return.  I was more and more confident in myself and happier and therefore my child was happy and contented … It seemed as if everything was going to be right now.

But … fears arose …

Am I ready for this? … Will I be able to make a man of my son?  … Will I be able to provide him with a safe childhood?  … Will I love him enough?  …

Milion pitanja a odgovora nema….

Ali posle 9 godina mislim da niko nije dovoljno spreman i da je svako sasvim dovoljno spreman… Nikada nisam pomislila da sam pogrešila. Vremenom sve naučiš…


A million questions and no answers….

But after 9 years I don’t think anyone is ready enough and everyone is quite ready … I never thought I was wrong.  Over time, you learn everything …

Ostavite odgovor

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